When you want someone to care
                          as much as you do.....
 Rev. Judith L. Guasch, M.Div.
                          Wedding Officiant

Serving S. Central PA, MD DC
                           (717) 222-9173 
Your Subtitle text

Fiance's Involvement

How Involved Should Your Fiance'  (or Others) Be in the Planning?



            What exactly should your fiance' be doing throughout the planning of your big day?


            Well, that depends upon the two of you.  If  you are paying for the wedding yourselves, be sure you discuss the budget to a fine detail.  Prioritize what is important to you, and what you are willing to negotiate down, or even cut if your budget begins to get tight.  Since the ceremony is the ONLY legal part of the day, be sure the Officiant you choose is the one that is right for you, and don’t make that decision based solely on cost.  BUT,The budget and the details are two different things, so be sure the two of you are on the same page as far as each one goes.


            Some people want their fiance' to be involved in every minute detail and decision making.  However, often times, this leads to arguments and hurt feelings when one person has no opinion to offer, as the other cries “don’t you care about our wedding day?” The truth is, some people don’t know ~ or care about ~ the difference between light blue, Robin’s egg blue and Tiffany blue.


            So, the best place to begin, is to fend off the disagreements before they begin… by discussing expectations.  The first thing to do is have a conversation.  Ask your fiancé how involved they want to be.  What decisions are they OK leaving to you, and with what decisions do they want to be involved, and what decisions are theirs and theirs alone?   After breathing a sigh of relief, many partners will say something like “You choose whatever flowers make you happy, bouquets, centerpieces, etc.  But when it comes to the cake, I want to go to the tasting, and have a say there.” After all, if they truly don’t have an opinion on the flowers, don’t force them into pretending.  Allow “I don’t have an opinion on that” be an acceptable answer.


            On the other hand, there are some people who assume their fiance' DOESN’T want to be involved in the decision making processes, and this creates just as much conflict. 


            Remember, for many couples, this is your first big cooperative effort.  By having this one simple conversation you will avoid a lot of undue stress for both of you, as well as those around you, leading up to your big day.  There will be other large projects such as building or remodeling a home together, and they can be just as stressful.  So, learn to work and communicate on these large projects now.  By doing so, they become much more fun and exciting if you are enjoying each others’ company throughout the process, rather than fussing and fighting with each other.

    Most people ~   whether male or female ~ 
  feel strongly
about their attire.  Some want to match their attendants. 

This groom wanted to stand out from his groomsmen.  Just as you have your wish list, allow your fiance' to have theirs as well.  Remember, this day is about both of you, and making all your dreams as a couple come true.

On as similar note, there may be other family members and friends who all want input into your day.  A general rule of thumb is that their involvement is up to you…. UNLESS they are helping to pay.  When a parent or other family member are paying for something, they may have expectations into the decisions.  Again, talk about those expectations.  If they are not in line with your wishes, then you may have to re-think accepting their monetary assistance.  If you accept their monetary help, then you can usually expect that they will have an opinion as to how their money is spent.   


            And finally, there are those well-meaning family members, attendants and friends who may want to share their experience or opinion with you.  It’s up to you how much you allow them to influence or advise you.  If you truly want their input on centerpieces, ask them to go with you to the florist.  However, if you invite them to accompany you, but don’t really want them to speak up, and they DO, then it may just create some hard feelings. 


            The bottom line is this… wedding planning doesn’t have to be stressful and upsetting.  It can and SHOULD be FUN!!  Eliminate the stress by talking about expectations, and in the end, everyone can be happy!